so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
why do cheetos always look like penises
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
