God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
