I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Drake has all the answers
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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