dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize