so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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