My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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