I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So. Much. Porn.
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