i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
