i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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