If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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