listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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