Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
