i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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