Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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