just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
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