why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
