It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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