i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
