1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
