she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
