I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
