I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
