almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
