PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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