Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize