Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
