Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
