I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
