$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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