I cockslap morals
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If I die, sorry about rent.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize