apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
