Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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