she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
