i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i think i have herpe
just one?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
