guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
