This house was built for laser tag.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I currently don't understand fingers.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
