Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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