i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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