Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
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