i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
