i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
