just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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