just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Someone shit on the floor
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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