it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
