So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
