Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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