The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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