i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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