Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
