drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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