Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
