I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
