I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
