Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
