just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
