just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
