It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
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If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
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Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Two words: blizzard sex
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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