A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Randomize
