Moan for me like Helen Keller
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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